Personal Reflection December 2023 ');
document.write('Mon, 11 Dec 2023 15:03:36 GMT ');
document.write('I\'m trying to get back into journalling - and, frankly, doing it in a way that keeps me motivated with a nifty little display on a website (such as my neocities), but without the eyes on it if I were just using a social media platform. Disclaimer: This is largely private in the sense that I don\'t actively share this with anyone. However, it\'s obviously not really private. If anyone who knows me is reading this? You\'re my friend. I love you. My mental health and how I write about it here is not a reflection of your friendship, nor is it a reflection of anything but my oft-uncontrollable feelings, and how I am trying to learn from, accept, and handle them so I can be a better friend and a healthier person. That being said, if you\'d like to talk about something you\'ve read here, you are welcome to.I\'ve been struggling a lot with mental health lately - most notably emotional regulation particularly in response to perceived rejection and, well, actual rejection. Mood swings and social avoidance, and now the upswing of.....being almost too positive and too happy and too \'up\' around people. I think what worries me in a way I hadn\'t realized before is that I\'m seeing mood and emotional patterns - and the behavioral similarities - to people in my life whose very same have really hurt me, and I know have hurt others. I also know that what I\'m dealing with - and have been - is hurting me and my own friends. The cycle - and it\'s upsetting but honest to realize that it is a cycle, or at least has the potential to become one - is that somewhere along the way, I start feeling lonely, unliked, not good enough for the people I spend time with. Maybe this is because they\'re busy - because I\'m not the absolute top priority (of course not!). Maybe it\'s because I really am not as close to some people as others, and the only people I happen to speak to for a while don\'t know me very well. Maybe it\'s because this all coincides with my struggling creatively - and feeling like my work isn\'t worth sharing.So I don\'t. And I avoid people - and simultaneously, try desperately to engage them. It\'s a weird impossible dance where I feel lonely and also cannot bear to be around people. My attempts to talk to anyone are half-hearted because my desperation is clashing with self-defeating methods to, I assume...protect myself? I can\'t open up to people I\'m convinced don\'t feel I\'m worth their time. It gets worse. I don\'t know how long this lasts - but usually until I can no longer bottle up. Unfortunately, what this means (or has meant) is a vent, public, and usually more intense than it would have been if I\'d addressed this earlier. I still am in a state where it feels absolutely criminal - not to mention useless - to address someone, anyone, directly. At this point the feelings feel so much more universal that it feels not only unfair to address any particular person, but impractical. And, again.... not \'safe\'. What this means is I vent and I vent until someone sees it. And they talk to me. And then we talk. And then I feel better - and then, a bit later, I feel on top of the world.But that\'s not a pattern that\'s healthy or fair, and it\'s changing that pattern - breaking out of the early, immediate avoidance that only gets harder to crack, that I hope to sincerely and effectively work on. It\'s not the only thing I need to do for my mental health - but it\'s a big one. comments');
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So...what to do about D&D? ');
document.write('Sat, 07 Jan 2023 02:54:24 GMT ');
document.write('The leaked content of WotC\'s OGL 1.1 as reported on by Linda Codega in Gizmodo (here, for a better description of what it actually says), isn\'t what anyone was hoping to see.No one\'s surprised that they\'re trying to squeeze as much profit as they can, but it is more than a little galling just how brazen some of this shit is - particularly with regard to what seems to be their goal to revoke the old OGL, which is something that was explicitly denied BY the original OGL.But importantly, they have money. They\'re Hasbro. Even if they shouldn\'t be able to do this, it won\'t shock me at all if they manage to get away with all of it. So what then? Because it was leaked, it’s also possible they’ll make some minor concessions to try to placate just how many people are already fucking pissed off, but we all know their number one goal here IS to get more of third party creation under their thumb so they can monetize it either by claiming royalties or just straight up nabbing people’s hard work.So seriously, folks, support third party creators who rely on D&D, especially if they pivot to new systems - and if you’re someone who’s so used to D&D specifically you have a hard time imagining breaking out of it to engage with something else.... I promise you. People have made so many systems that are simple and easy to pick up, that highlight new and exciting aspects of what TTRPGs are capable of, that it’s always been, but especially now, worth your stepping out of your comfort zone.Even IF WotC backs down on this in a meaningful way, and you keep playing D&D, etc. - consider turning your eye to some indie TTRPGs regardless, because much like any brand that’s used to being the ubiquitous name, WotC is going to keep trying to milk more and more money from it’s massive fanbase, and you can do a lot of good for your own interests and for other creative passionate people by branching out, whether you also stick with D&D or cut it off entirely.I play D&D, I enjoy it as a game, but I’ve learned so much about what else TTRPGs can offer, by stepping first into Paizo’s games and further into smaller independent creations. I\'ve long had the plan for this website to curate and review plenty of indie TTRPGs as well as hosting some of my own personal work, though I don\'t create or sell anything for others to use, I love my TTRPG characters and such. Now, that\'s even more settled.I won\'t stop supporting people who create homebrew content for D&D. I highly encourage these people to branch into other systems regardless of what WotC does, but my issue is with the corporation, and not any individuals who\'ve poured their creativity into content for the system. comments');
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